Coffee

When I was a teenager my pals and I would spend most of our days and nights hanging out in coffee shops drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. However once I got pregnant with Mr. B the smell and taste made me sick. The taste is horrible and the smell is bitter and it cant be good for your body. For years I lived with a coffee drinker and had to always have coffee in my house. I had to make sure the coffee maker was set at night for his morning coffee before he left for Tim Hortons and work. So when he left I had no problem with him taking the 3 coffee makers we owned.
Well last week someone came over to watch movies and brought me a coffee. I didn't want to be rude so I drank it and was wired all night. I got no sleep and it was super hard on my body. For some strange reason after the "I don't want to be rude so I'll drink the coffee" night, I went to buy my morning tea and ordered coffee instead. YUCK! Even though it is super bitter I'm starting to enjoy my morning coffee. It gets my butt out of bed and ready to face the day.
So I guess now I am a coffee drinker. It still tastes awful but it has been keeping me somewhat sane. LOL

Giver

What is wrong with me? I'm a giver. I have given myself and my everything to the one I was with for the past 9 years and gotten nothing back. I have given my all to help a certain friend, and nothing changed. I have given, given, and given and nobody takes what I have. The last few months I have tried to give myself to someone I really care about and they don't want what I have to offer and can't give me what they have in return. So I have come to this conclusion...I have to stop giving myself to people. In school my teacher constantly said that we as CSW's have to have no attachment to things in life. So I think that is what my life is comming down to. No attachment! No attachment to people, love, feelings, things and so on. I will live my life and do what I have to do. I need to be strong, powerful, independent, and a good mother. Life is going by so fast and I'm afraid I will miss the beauty of it all.

Life is a Journey Not a Destination

Life is a journey not a destination. I have heard this many times, but never really understood the meaning until this point in my life. I have been going through some tough times and I wondered why bad things happen to good people. But I believe that bad things happen to good people because they are being put to a test. A test of faith. If you stay strong through the tough times then you will be stronger when the times get easier. You will learn how to be you. I have been trying to see in myself what others see. And it's hard when all the things your people say are good, and all you see is the bad. I am going to be reteaching myself all the things my people say I am. Every morning when I wake up I will be repeating the things my people say about me. I am thankful for my people! They have made my journey a little easier. And Thank you A for some of these things. I would never have thought any of them would be me until you said so. ;)

I am who I am and I love me
I am beautiful inside and out
I am happy
I am worth something
I am smart
I am thankful for what I have
I am passionate
I love to love
I love my kids
I love my family
I can do anything I put my mind to
I will have a job
I will work the hours I want
I will make a lot of money
I will buy my house in 5 years
I will have a good day
I will think positive
I will love me

Who Am I?

Thinking positive and positive things will happen has been what I've been saying since July. I always try to be positive but then a negative day or two will come by and everything I've been trying to practice means nothing. I have been told to watch the movie "The Secret"Apparently it is a powerful display of positive thinking. So I am going to buy that today and sink my mind into it. Life has been super crazy lately. I get the feeling that my ex wants to come back. (Which will NEVER happen) I can't and I wont allow the honeymoon stage affect me. I have to start thinking good thoughts about me and the life I am living. I don't need a man to help pay my bills, fix the damn cupboard doors, refinish the basement, and to lean on. I have friends! GREAT friends! And so far my girlfriends have been there for me through all this. And for that I am truly thankful! So now is the time, the moment, the now that I need to live my life and be a mom. I need to figure out what I like and what I'm good at. I am worth something to my kids. And I am worth more than I have ever been given credit for! I need to be me.....

Confusing Times

When do you know it's the end? How do you know it's the end? I wonder that every day. I knew it was the end of our relationship a couple of years ago. I tried to find every opportunity to leave, but I was scared. When you are with someone for almost 9 years, it's hard to imagine yourself alone. I strongly believe this is the end tho. I can't even imagine myself being with him ever again. I sometimes feel hate for him. But he is the father of my 2 children and I know he tries to be a better dad than his dad was for him. So sometimes I feel sorry for him. He never had the loving, caring, and forgiving family I had. Is this his fault? No it's not. But I blamed him for all his faults. So am I a bad person for this? I hope not. Tonight was an emotional night. He came by to gather the rest of his belongings and I had to tell him that I had moved on. It was sad and scary. He blew up on me and told me that I was a bad person for not trying to work this out. He stormed out of the house yelling as he walked down the street calling me a dirty whore. That is one of the reasons why we are not together anymore. He can't stop and think before he says anything. I want him to be happy in his life, but every time he sees me happy he has to try to make me miserable. I might feel hate for him, but I also feel sorry for him. I'm so confused. I am now seeing someone, and wondering if it is too soon. I want to be happy, but should I have that opportunity? He isn't happy so why should I be? The person I am seeing is a wonderful person. It has only been a month or so, but I don't think I have ever felt so comfortable, and so cared for in all my life. Is this weird? I don't want this to be a rebound, because I care for this person very much. And what will I tell my children? I can't tell them that I am seeing someone, they wouldn't understand......I don't want to talk about this anymore.......Good Night

While I'm getting things ready for supper, Little Missy is in the living room playing quietly and we all know that when children are quiet something is going on. Well I walked into the living room and saw red. Red on her hands and particularly on a certain finger. When I asked her to show me where she coloured she showed me this.....

I have many things to be greatful for. If it wasn't for my family I don't think I would have finished school. But I have finished with an 84% average! That's better than I thought I could have ever done. (And better than what he said I would do). I worked hard for this. Now that I'm done school I need a job. I applied at a few places, so we will see. This last month or so I have been feeling happier every day! Even though I don't have a job yet, I have my kids, my health, and something else that makes me very happy. I will blog about that maybe in the near future. But as for now, this is my life and I am so very happy! As I said in the other blog, I started painting. I painted my living room and bedroom. This weekend I painted my kitchen. My sister and friends like the colour but as for me....I think it is a horrid colour! Yellow! Bright ass yellow! I need my sunglasses when I'm cooking. But I think that if my sister and friends like it, I will keep it. Next job is my upstairs hall and the kids bedrooms. One day I will finish. Now that I'm done school and my placement, I want to do so much. I love that I can cook supper for my kids and am able to spend more time reading to them. I love their opinions on the colours I paint, and I love just being with them. This I have missed, but I believe it was worth it.

Finally school started. A big day for Big A who started the unmentionable grade 9. And Mr B who is now in grade 2. And next week Little Missy will be starting Pre School. This is what I have been looking forward for. The kids in school and I can concentrate on the completion of my internship. 3 weeks left for me. An accomplishment I never thought I could do. A proud moment in my life.....However Working is starting to scare me. I don't want to work. What person ever does want to work really? I am now raising these kids on my own, with my small unacceptable paychecks from Tims, and if I'm lucky a little child support. The separation happened in July and it has been a financially tough summer for me and the kids. After he left we agreed on him taking most of the items we had. Considering that he "paid" for my life for 9 years and it was the least I could do for him. But with in a few days and weeks I had an aboundence of people helping me out. I got furniture from friends to replace what he took. And fantastic people to help me move in my new washer and dryer. Thank you for all the support people! After the first week my emotions taking over me, I put my foot down and told myself that I am a strong woman, and nothing was going to bring me down. So I started to make my home my own. I painted my living room and it is a crappy job but it is my job. Then I painted my bedroom, another crappy job...but again it is my job. Now I am on a kick to paint my whole place. Painting has a very therapeutic feeling. It is empowering to me. I am learning to take each day a day at a time. If your positive, positive things will happen in your life!

The Berella

For the last couple of weeks we have had mass amounts of rain storms. The kids have been asking me to buy them umbrellas. And in my house we have had bad luck with them that's why I never buy them. But like I said we have had mass amounts of rain so I decided to go to Walmart and price them out. I found them at a decent price, and was able to get a Tinkerbell one and High School Musical one for the two youngest. I have said that if they break you don't get another one for another year. Well Little Missy who calls them brellas, has already broken hers. And Mr B, well it's only a matter of time before the damn thing breaks. I can't seem to keep anything nice in my house, and when I buy the kids anything they play really hard with it until it breaks. Lets just hope for no more rain, that way the broken brellas don't have to be used and I can save my money.

The Bath Bomb

For the princess tea party, my sister came up with a cool idea. For the gift bags she decided to make home made bath bombs. During the week she made them Mr B thought they were the coolest. His cousin told him that they blow up when they hit the water. So after going the whole week and listening to him asking for these bath bombs, I promised him I would snag a couple extras for him. He made me promise. He also made his grandmother promise as well. Once the tea party was over he b-lined for the tub. After running the water and getting in, we tossed the bath bomb into the water and Mr B took cover!!! Throwing his arms up to shield himself from getting blown away. Then realizing that it was just a little fizz, he was very disappointed. Then he said "that's it?" A truly funny moment!!!

Psychology......I hate the subject. I mean why do we have to learn all about these dead guys, and their views on why we eat food, sleep, poop, and why we think what we think? Honestly I am only taking this because I need it to graduate. Ok the other reason why I don't like the course is because we have to share the course with the Police Foundations people. Not that they are bad people or anything, but they are so loud and obnoxious. In my class we have 3 exams worth 20% each, an assignment worth 30%, and participation worth 10%. The participation I have in the bag for sure. My first exam I got 60%. My second exam I got 48% (which I will be rewriting on Monday afternoon). And my third exam is on Friday. So here it is. I officially suck when it comes to understanding shit from dead guys.
But on a brighter note, I finished my volunteer training for the women's shelter. I have a certificate stating that I completed 28 hours on violence against women and children. I will be volunteering in the children's room. I think it will be fun.
Also I completed my CPR and First Aid....barely...lol...Yes that is another exam I failed. We were suppose to get nothing less than 70%, and of course I got a 68%. But he said that he would excuse the people in my class who would have a language barrier, due to the fact that the teacher spoke really fast. Well when I picked up my exam I asked him if I had to rewrite it. He asked me where I was from. So I told him I was from Toronto, and he said that I didn't have to rewrite it. Wow....can we say judgemental......

Anyways that's all for now.....I hope this week I start doing better in school.....I really need my grades to get better.....Maybe next time I will be on the honour roll.....(yeah right)....LOL

This Must Have Been Learned in School

So after work today I was sitting on the couch minding my own business, when something flew by my face and landed on the ground. Quickly I blamed my husband for annoying me. But as I looked closer to what the thing was I realized it was a wadded up piece of toilet paper that had been wet at one point. So my husband and I came to the conclusion that Mr B wet a piece of toilet paper and stuck it to the ceiling. Yes we thought it was funny at that moment. Saying that we would talk to him in the morning. Until I had to use the bathroom. As I sat there (on the phone with my sister) (yes we are close) LOL I glanced up and realized that there were 3 more balls of toilet paper on our ceiling. I'm telling you there is never a dull moment in my house lately.

After confronting Mr B, we told him that he had to clean the ceiling up. In which he answered.......Do I have to clean up the upstairs bathroom ceiling too?........LOL.....When I went upstairs I realized the wadded up toilet paper balls were everywhere.....

Little Miss Mullet

Well I have been wanting to tell this one since Thursday, but our computer has been down. So here it is.....
It all started when we got home from school/work/babysitters, I was in the kitchen getting supper ready, and the kids were quiet. I should have noticed something was going on because they were getting along. All of a sudden Mr B comes running into the kitchen and places a pair of scissors down on the counter. I looked at him and asked why they were in the living room, he shrugged his shoulders and went back to the living room. Then Little Missy comes into the kitchen opens the garbage and precedes to throw some ball type substance in it. When I took this substance from her to find out what it was I realized that it was hair. My first thought was "the dog". But then I took a closer look and realized that Little Missy was missing a patch of hair on the top and side of her head. Knowing that her ringlets will be lost forever. I stood in the kitchen speechless. And Mr B ran up into his room crying. I repeated to myself  "I will be laughing about this in a few days" I repeated that over and over, trying to convince myself that it was a thing that happens and it was funny. Needless to say when Mr B was asked about why he cut her hair, his response was simple....."She asked me to".

So after taking Little Missy to the salon to try to fix it, I told the hairdresser "Do whatever you can to fix it, just don't give her a mullet". Not realizing that the hairdresser has a mullet. And all she could do was give her a mullet. So now I keep reminding myself that her hair will grow back soon. I hope this makes you laugh, I try to make myself laugh when I think about it. You see this is something that happens at my sisters house, not mine. LOL

Before The final Cut After The Final Cut

This weekend I had planned a stagette to Niagara Falls for my bestest friend M. She is getting married in April, and I am honoured to be in the wedding. There are 11 of us ladies going. The schedule is dinner at 6:30pm, Casino after, Club at 11:30 or so. I found that planning this was hard. (I would fail travel and tourism class for sure). But finally after all my research, I think I did OK. Although I don't think my old body will be able to handle the liquor as in my younger days. But I will try, and hopefully pull it off.........LOL........But I must say M has some really amazing friends. Everyone has chipped in and helped me plan this weekend, and for that I am very thankful.
But I am also thankful for my wonderful husband who has taken the weekend to do fun things with the kids. And promised not to phone me unless it's an emergency!
But with me going away I know I'll miss the kids like crazy, even though I joke about wanting to run away somewhere in the Caribbean, that's just frustrated words. And honestly I think that I will be the one phoning home all the time.
That's my cheesy note for today.....I really wanted to talk about the crazy things my kids do, but lately they have kinda been boring...LOL....Sorry R & C....I will get crazy another day for your amusement....lol

Knowledge is Power!!

School, it has been challenging yet somehow I have been excelling. We are into our ology's. Sociology, Criminology, and the next 4 weeks it's Psychology. Sociology sucked!!! Criminology was OK. And Psychology I'll let you know when I start it.
As stupid as these courses may seem, I need them to graduate. Although since starting the CSW course I have learned so much about myself. Everything seems to be based on perception, non-judgemental attitudes, and self awareness. So needless to say I am trying to sponge everything in. Not only to get a certificate for a better paying job, but for my own understanding of how I work, and how I see the people I love.

I am getting a little stresses though. I am hearing people at my school talk about how they had such hard times getting the career management lady to help them find placements. I really hope I don't have that problem.

Although I have heard some shady stuff about the lady that runs the show. She use to own a chef college and ran it into the ground. She lost everything and came running to my school to run it. Crap.....That makes me worry too. I just hope she doesn't ruin it until I graduate. LOL

So this is my school garbage. I am working really hard to graduate and get a higher paying job, so that my husband can go back to school and we can both be educated.

knowledge is Power!!!

Think for a Moment

I learned a really important lesson last week.....This makes me feel so thankful for the support and love I have in my life.....

Think for a moment.......

Get three pieces of paper and write three most important things in your life....They can be tangible or not......One on each piece of paper.....

Now close your eyes and think of one that you are willing to give up......

Think about how that makes you feel......

Now close your eyes and think of the last two things you have.....Now give one of them up.....

Think about how that makes you feel......

Now close your eyes and give up the last item you have.....

Think about how that makes you feel......

Now picture an abused women having to give those things up to be able to be in a safe enviroment.....

We take things for granted in life and need to be thankful for what we have.....

Monkey See Monkey Do

Did your mother ever tell you NOT to put your tongue on a pole in the winter time? I remember my mother telling me not to do it and I went out and did it. Why is it that children do things that they are told not to do?

Well Mr. B was at school the other day and on the announcements in the morning they said "do not put your tongue's on the fences or poles outside at nutrition break". Well Mr. B did what he was told not to do. At nutrition he went out to play and thought it would be a good idea to stick his tongue on the fence. (Just because he was told not to). Well the teachers and kids all surrounded him and watched while the teacher pulled it off. And no, the fire department didn't come, like in the Christmas Story. When Mr. B told me the story after school, he was so upset. He said that one of his friends told him that half of his tongue was gone. He was mortified.

This story was told in the car while we were waiting for Jay after work and even though Little Missy is almost 3, she must really pays attention to everything. Because the next day while at my sisters house we were on our way inside and I hear this blood curdling scream, and see her entire mouth wrapped around the porch railing. I has to drop everything and run to her rescue. Using my hot breath on her mouth we were finally able to pull it off. Little Missy's words were "half of my tongue is gone".....Monkey see monkey do!

So how do I start this new phase of my life in blogging? Well I guess I'll start by telling you all that my life is crazy. I have 3 kids and a husband who works really hard. I have a gecko named Max and a dog named Lady. I work part time, and in school full time. I also will be starting my volunteer work in the next month or so. So when I say I live a crazy life I mean it. My children are fantastic kids, and my husband is pretty cool too.

I guess I will let you know a bit about my children. Big A is 13 going on 30, and right now is into boxing, which changes frequently. He is in grade 8 now and looking forward to grade 12 graduation. LOL... Mr B is 6 and in grade 1, and loving it. He is our little man who wants more and more freedom every day. Little Missy is our 3 year old who is our chatter box. She started walking at 10 months, and I believe she is the reason we stopped having kids. LOL... Lady is new to our lives. She is a Jackapoo and so full of energy. She loves to chew. Needless to say half of Little Missy's Barbies are amputees now. And finally Max is a Crested Gecko, who does nothing but eat crickets and takes up space in my living room.

So this is it for today, and I guess I'll get on here a few time a week. Oh and thanks to my sister who is a professional blogger who got me all set up here. I hope I do you proud dude.