The World In My Hands

It's been one year since the separation and I feel relieved. My life is good and I am happy. I have started a new chapter in my life. And I feel great. The life I was living was not my life. It was the life I was expected to live through my family's eyes. But I have come to accept the life I am living now. I am blessed to have wonderful children who I love very much. I have a girlfriend who I love very much, and who loves me very much too. And I have a kitty who, when my children and girlfriend arn't around keeps me good company. I feel like I have the world in my hands. I am looking forward to my future. But only a day at a time. Its my time to slow down and enjoy the life I am now living. I look forward to the fun things I will be doing this summer with my children, my job, and my girlfriend. Camping, walking on trails, planning programs, and watching my children enjoy their summer holidays with their cousins. Spending time with the ones I love is more important to me then anything.

You Tell Me

You tell me I am beautiful.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me I am smart.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me my body is sexy.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me I am perfect.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me I'm cute.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me I make u happy.
I look in the mirror and can't see it.
You tell me I am none of the above.
I look in the mirror and see it.

A New Beginning! :)

Ahhh a new year has begun!! What can I say about last year? Hmm...well there were some good, bad, and ugly times that had happened last year. I don't want to get into too much detail, but I have learned a lot about myself last year, and now I am learning how to cope with the loss, and the gains I have encountered. I have lost my 'perfect' family. However it wasn't as perfect as I would have liked it to be. But it was hard to raise my kids alone, and still is. However I am still learning to appreciate my kids for who they are and what they do. It seems to be a long journey, but I'm starting to enjoy it now. :) I have also learned how hard being alone can be. I am currently learning that being alone is okay and by surrounding myself with good friends is a good thing. I feel like I got myself caught up in the wanting to be loved by someone craziness. I started to date someone and so badly wanted the love that I never got from my husband. But it was too soon and had to slow down. I have also learned that life is too short to be upset and sad all the time. I want to live each day as if it were my last day on earth! I want to enjoy my children's company and the crazy messed up things they say and do. I want to enjoy the cold ass weather in the winter and the humid ass weather in the summer. We have one life to live and to enjoy. This year I am going to practice the famous 'non-attachment' theory my teacher taught us in class. I don't want to be attached to things that don't mean anything to me. I want to be able to close my mind to negative thoughts and feelings and have no attachment. I will be starting a new job in February in a group home and that theory MUST come into play! And it's not a bad thing to use it in your every day life as well. If you have no attachment to emotions and tangible things than your mind, body and spirit will be free of stress and disappointment. And thinking positive about life is always a good thing to do too. I tried to think positive about my life right after the separation, however I found that through tough times thinking positive was super hard! But I know that this year is going to be a good year! And I am going to evolve into what I want to be. I have big ideas and big plans for 2010! I am going to make my life what I want it to be and I'm going to enjoy EVERY moment!