Confusing Times

When do you know it's the end? How do you know it's the end? I wonder that every day. I knew it was the end of our relationship a couple of years ago. I tried to find every opportunity to leave, but I was scared. When you are with someone for almost 9 years, it's hard to imagine yourself alone. I strongly believe this is the end tho. I can't even imagine myself being with him ever again. I sometimes feel hate for him. But he is the father of my 2 children and I know he tries to be a better dad than his dad was for him. So sometimes I feel sorry for him. He never had the loving, caring, and forgiving family I had. Is this his fault? No it's not. But I blamed him for all his faults. So am I a bad person for this? I hope not. Tonight was an emotional night. He came by to gather the rest of his belongings and I had to tell him that I had moved on. It was sad and scary. He blew up on me and told me that I was a bad person for not trying to work this out. He stormed out of the house yelling as he walked down the street calling me a dirty whore. That is one of the reasons why we are not together anymore. He can't stop and think before he says anything. I want him to be happy in his life, but every time he sees me happy he has to try to make me miserable. I might feel hate for him, but I also feel sorry for him. I'm so confused. I am now seeing someone, and wondering if it is too soon. I want to be happy, but should I have that opportunity? He isn't happy so why should I be? The person I am seeing is a wonderful person. It has only been a month or so, but I don't think I have ever felt so comfortable, and so cared for in all my life. Is this weird? I don't want this to be a rebound, because I care for this person very much. And what will I tell my children? I can't tell them that I am seeing someone, they wouldn't understand......I don't want to talk about this anymore.......Good Night

While I'm getting things ready for supper, Little Missy is in the living room playing quietly and we all know that when children are quiet something is going on. Well I walked into the living room and saw red. Red on her hands and particularly on a certain finger. When I asked her to show me where she coloured she showed me this.....

I have many things to be greatful for. If it wasn't for my family I don't think I would have finished school. But I have finished with an 84% average! That's better than I thought I could have ever done. (And better than what he said I would do). I worked hard for this. Now that I'm done school I need a job. I applied at a few places, so we will see. This last month or so I have been feeling happier every day! Even though I don't have a job yet, I have my kids, my health, and something else that makes me very happy. I will blog about that maybe in the near future. But as for now, this is my life and I am so very happy! As I said in the other blog, I started painting. I painted my living room and bedroom. This weekend I painted my kitchen. My sister and friends like the colour but as for me....I think it is a horrid colour! Yellow! Bright ass yellow! I need my sunglasses when I'm cooking. But I think that if my sister and friends like it, I will keep it. Next job is my upstairs hall and the kids bedrooms. One day I will finish. Now that I'm done school and my placement, I want to do so much. I love that I can cook supper for my kids and am able to spend more time reading to them. I love their opinions on the colours I paint, and I love just being with them. This I have missed, but I believe it was worth it.